The “terrible twos” can be a very difficult time for parents
and caregivers. Children at this age not only do things adults don’t
want them to do, but also do things because their caregivers don’t
want them to. If it seems like children are intentionally disobeying
or disregarding their caregivers’ wishes — it’s because they are!
But 2-year-olds behavior, so difficult to deal with at times, is only
part of the story. It may seem hard to believe, but these children
actually have good reasons for driving their caregivers crazy. They are
learning what happens when people want different things. In other words,
they are learning about conflict and are using
a powerful learning mechanism — hypothesis testing. The
terrible twos are really just a part of children’s experimental program
to figure out the world. Primary caregivers, unfortunately, are the
main test subjects.
What they want to learn—how conflict works.
By the age of two, children are trying to understand conflict. At younger
ages, children believe that their desires (what they want, what they
like) are the same as everyone else’s desires. When everyone wants
and likes the same things, there’s no real conflict. But at around
18 months, children begin to understand an important new concept —
people have different desires.
How do we know this? One creative experiment, using crackers and broccoli,
gives us solid evidence (Repacholi & Gopnik,
1997). Researchers showed 14-month-old and 18-month-old children
two different bowls of food—one filled with Goldfish crackers and
one filled with raw broccoli. When given the choice between the two
foods, both the 14-month-old and 18-month-old children chose the crackers.
Next, a researcher tasted the foods in front of the babies. When she
ate the crackers, she made a disgusted face and said “Yuck.”
With the broccoli, she smiled and said “Yum.” Then, with both
bowls of food in front of her, she put out her hands and asked the babies
to give her some food. This was the experimental question: would the
babies give her some crackers or some broccoli?
The 14-month-old babies gave the researcher crackers, even though
she said “yuck” when she ate them before. They didn’t
yet understand how another person could want or prefer something different
from their own tastes and desires.
The 18-month-old babies gave the researcher broccoli, showing
that despite their own preference for crackers, they understood that
the adult preferred the vegetable. They understood that the adult had
different desires for food.
In other words, 18-month-old children are beginning to understand that
people are truly different, and that what they want is not necessarily
what adults want. And this is a recipe for conflict. Children need to
learn how conflict works — and how to resolve it.
How children learn—hypothesis testing and
conflict.
To learn about conflict, 2 year-old toddlers launch a series of experiments.
This process is called hypothesis testing,
and it is a powerful way children (and scientists) learn about the world.
It starts with what children already know about people and their desires.
With this knowledge, children make predictions (hypotheses) and test
them to see if their ideas are correct.
Hypothesis testing involves 5 steps:
- Making observations
- Asking questions
- Creating hypotheses (what they think will happen
based on what they know)
- Testing hypotheses
- Evaluating the evidence
For example, let’s take a 2-year-old who has just grabbed his mom’s
lipstick. He really wants to make a big red streak on the wall, but
he thinks his mother might not like it if he does. He’s trying
to learn how his mother will react.
Here's what hypothesis testing might look like:
- “I have mom’s lipstick and I want to
make a big red mark on the wall. I know that my mom doesn’t want
me to mark on the wall.” (Observation)
- “What will happen if I do what I want and
make a big red mark with the lipstick?” (Question)
- “When I used a crayon to mark on the wall,
mom got angry. I think she might get angry again.” (Hypothesis)
- “Here I go, even though mom has a bad look
on her face!” (Testing)
- “Mom got really angry — and this
is what it’s like when she’s angry." (Evaluating
the evidence)
Of course, these steps seem very rational—and
they don’t describe the tears and frustration that normally accompany
situations like this. Despite the intensity of these emotions, children
are very motivated to learn more about how conflict works and how it
gets resolved.
Helpful Parenting Tips
- Understand that children need to learn about
conflict from their parents and caregivers. These young children aren’t
bad, they’re curious. Expect them to test you often.
- Provide consistent responses. When children test
their hypotheses, they are gathering evidence about how people deal
with conflict. The best evidence is reliable, consistent, and loving.
- Don’t let the conflict escalate. Keep emotions
in check and remove a child (or tempting object) from a situation
if the conflict continues.
- Focus on the positive aspects of this age. These
toddlers are not only learning how conflict happens, but how conflict
gets resolved. If they are surrounded with healthy, consistent models,
children can learn how to handle future disagreements in constructive
and effective ways.
- Hang in there! The terrible twos, and the difficult challenges they can bring, don’t last forever.
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References:
Gopnik, A., Meltzoff, A. N., & Kuhl,
P. K. (1999). The scientist in the crib: What early learning
tells us about the mind. New York: HarperCollins.
Repacholi, B. M., & Gopnik, A. (1997). Early reasoning
about desires: Evidence from 14- and 18-month-olds. Developmental
Psychology 33, 12-21.
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The information on this Spotlight is the property of Talaris Research Institute and protected under U.S. copyright and other laws. Talaris Research Institute © 2003.
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