Katie Basson, B.A., M.A.T.


1. Choose the behavior you want to modify.

a) Make sure your expectations are age-appropriate.

b) Start with a behavior that has a high likelihood of success.

c) Write down when and why the behavior occurs currently.

d) Write down what you can do to avoid certain triggers.


2. Describe the behavior clearly.

a) Use concrete examples wherever possible.

b) Use the "looks like/sounds like" technique.

[What does "paying attention" look like and sound like?]

*looking at the person speaking

*nodding to show understanding

*not speaking to your classmates

*not drawing on your paper

c) In addition to describing what you don't want to see,
take care to describe what you do want to see.

[I don't want you to grab toys from your brother.
I do want you to say "Jack, may I please use the toy now?"]


3. Make sure that you are clear in your expectations.

a) What are the rules and consequences? When the positive and negative consequences for behavior are clearly stated, children are more likely to make good choices.

[If you ask for things by saying please, you will earn a token, if you grab things, you will lose a token. Additionally, if you hit your brother, you'll have to go to your room for a time out.]

b) Be sure the child understands the reasons for the rules. If they don't seem arbitrary to her, then she'll be more likely to follow them.

[We use words like please and thank you because it shows people that we care about them and their feelings and would like to be polite. People are much more likely to do what you want, when you show that you care about their feelings.]


4. Choose the right rewards.

a) Rewards should be intrinsic to good behavior. They should not be bribes. Earning a Tootsie Roll because you are polite doesn't teach the underlying message. Earning an after dinner game of Monopoly does. It reinforces the idea that polite behavior encourages others to want to spend time with you.

b) The rewards need to be especially motivating to your individual child. Not everybody likes Monopoly. Your child should have a hand in choosing the rewards.

[For example: a perfect reward for my son would be an evening with dad and his sketch pad. Drawing robots and aliens with help from an adult is one of my son's favorite activities.]


5. Be Consistent!

*This may be the most important aspect of behavior modification. Children will test you to be sure you mean business. If you don't follow through on the rules consistently, your child will learn that they don't always apply, so he doesn't always have to follow them.

[A respected child therapist said, "There is no quicker path to bad behavior then inconsistent parenting. Choose important rules and stick to them!"]


6. Trust in the Art of Parenting.

*You know your child best. Follow your instincts. Use the above as a guide within the framework of the relationship you have already established with your child. The goal is not a perfectly behaved child, but a healthy child who understands the expectations of a loving family.


Katie Basson is a parent, teacher, and creator of The BITs Kit Better Behavior Kit for Kids™. Katie teaches seminars on behavior modification techniques, and coaches parents through challenging behavioral and educational issues. She is on the Board of Directors of the YWCA and is an educational advisor to Zoesis, Inc., a children's software company. Katie's expert advice has been sought for articles in The Boston Globe and Parents Magazine.